An edited transcript of my discussion at Looming Disasters (Unnurtured Males), an online workshop organized by Ogbenese Writes in collaboration with Julaybeeb Initiatives.

I begin in the name of Allah, who created human from one soul and created from it its mate, then dispersed from both men and women. I salute you all present and those that will be reading later. I thank the organizers of this e-workshop for considering the theme  to be worthy of discussion and deeming me fit to discuss this session. I pray that we all benefit from it.

I have gone through previous posts and I would like to commend the writers. They have paved the way for me already and I am sure their articles will ease my discussion. Thus, I will not bother to buttress the problems of “unnurtured males” again. Instead, I will focus on the expectations and solutions.

I will be using visual illustrations to discuss.

My discussion is divided into the following sub-topics:

• Definitions of terms
• The male child as a victim
• Being a responsible young man
• Building a responsible young man: The Family as an actor
• Building a responsible young man: The School as an actor
• The role of Government and Non-Government organizations

And here comes our first pictograph…

I used the word “definitions” (plural) because I want us to look at these terms from perspectives and features, instead of dictionary meanings.

We are to discuss “the male child as a teenager and youth in the society”. However, with the aid of this pictograph, we can see that “the male child” is being discussed around many keywords and phrases and not just three words. And of course, let’s note that every word in the pictograph is important!

We have a young boy, growing to become a man… He has to pass through all these -the ages and their challenges plus so many trials and encounters in various units of the society.

We say the boy is disrespectful! he is bad! disobedient! irresponsible! Little do we think of the problems he faces and what really made him the “evil” we think he is🤔 This will lead me to the second pictograph where I tried to picture the teenage boy as a victim of so many phenomenon around him.

       

At this junction, it is important that I state that my discussio will be narrowed to focus on the teenager. Of course, that’s because I used to be member of this group and I have mentored and continue to mentor several of its members.

Every day, we lose great minds and talents to drug… a lot of our youth dropout from school…millions of young boys out there lose hope…… some never had hope🤨 It’s easy to condemn them, blame their parents or the government… but hardly do we try to look back at the complex factors that have led them to these sorry points.

I have stated 7 keynotes in the pictograph above. To me, these are factors that cage the male child and hold him back from being the man he ought to be. Let’s make a short note on some of them…

1. Wealth or poverty

Well, we all will agree that poverty hinders progress. Financial instability of the family has led some to drop out… some could not get sponsors for their initiates and boom! Oblivion!

Yes poverty…but wealth?

How can being well-to-do be a hindrance to progress? 🤔

So  many children have gotten carried away by the wealth of their “generous” parents who give the impression that everything will be fine, just enjoy your life! While this system of parenting has arguably been successful in most quarters, there is no doubt that it restricts the abilities of some of these kids. At the same time, it indirectly affects their poor counterparts.

Many rich kids aren’t allowed to think and work for themselves. Many would settle for government scholarships and middle-class jobs, in the name of “connection”… and you know? That’s a bye to healthy competition.

2. Parenting

 I would like to reserve this point for the next pictograph🙂

3. Educational System

This is obviously one of the greatest problems a lot of youngsters are facing. Could something be worse than growing under a system where technical talents aren’t appreciated? Where do male teenagers divert their energy? Something awful! and you know…its💣

So, you see…a lot of the “unnurtured males” that we see are actually talents not put to good use.

4. Biological structure….

This is very important as it encompasses sexuality and physical structure. It is unfortunate that improper coordination in various quarters has encouraged bad orientations about sexuality as well as bullying which causes a lot of psychological problems to the male teenager.

Biological factors have also contributed to the “feel among” attitude in teenagers… this often hunts them at the end.

5. Religious orientation.

Unfortunately, a lot of our youth have been lost to wrong notions and have wasted precious time upon pseudo-religious practices. As we have thousands being wasted on the battle fields, on the notion that “education is haram”, we also have some who are otherwise moderate but “loyal companions” of their religious leaders… their times are stolen while they don’t get anything in returns… Not knowledge nor cash.

These groups aren’t ignorable… they contribute largely to the number of unnurtured males 🙁

6. Peer pressure.

Let’s omit this…I am sure everyone has an idea about it.

7. Gender Stereotypes

This is killing our boys, but we don’t know… do we really expect something better than violent from young boys growing to hear slogans like “boys are rough” ? They are made to believe that they’ve got to be tough to be a man. As a matter of fact, you need to be tough🙂. However, being violent doesn’t make one a man!

Does this sound familiar “If you are a man, come here!”🤔. Or as we say in Turkish, “sen erkeksen gel göster“. Well, this is an invitation to a duel under the notion that man = violent….. Well, a man needs to be strong but for the good use of his strength.

Alright guys…. We just brushed through factors affecting the male child negatively…. but if a male child wants has to be A MAN, what should he be?

Answer: A responsible young man

You will agree with me that one of the things many youngsters lack is sense of responsibility.

I’ve tried to give a “full-meaning” to the word responsible, which I think is a desirable attribute for a young man, to whom (in the words of my friend) you can say “Ya gulaam!” (O young man!).

Well, some may look at the pictograph as a utopia. I am sure the ladies here will agree with me, because it looks like their criteria lists.

I won’t explain these attributes one after that other but would like to mention something about being empathetic and eloquent, as the duo may be easily misunderstood.

To be empathetic… a responsible young man has to understand the feelings of others. He should understand the feelings of his poor dad, his hypertensive mum, his low-paid teacher, his potential father-in-law etc.

To be eloquent…  It’s not all about being an orator. It is basically about being able to air his opinion in the best manner. An effective manner! Indeed, one of the greatest problems with teens is communication.

The Yoruba adage says, “If you want to catch a monkey, you need to behave like one“. It’s an adage, it’s figurative… don’t be a monkey😄. Well, the point is… these youngsters should know (learn/be taught) how best to get information across or make demands.

May I also add that, being intelligent doesn’t mean you should be an Imam Shafi or an Einstein. Approaching matters logically is okay.

WE ARE MOVİNG…

Now we’ve said a teenager has to learn to be a responsible young man, but the fact is… he can’t do these all alone🙁🙁

Who are the people to help him and how do they go about helping 🤔

1. Family!

The family is the most integral part of our social life!!!

Here we’ve got 3 groups and a course at home for a potential responsible young man.

1. The mentor… the dad! or anyone that stands in his place.

Yes, our Lord brings life from death and death from life, but this is exceptionally and that’s why the parable is specially mentioned🤨. In most cases, a good young man doesn’t come from a bad old man!

2. The bride… this is not the potential wife, iyawo, amarya, gelin…… but the mum!

Mothers had their own criteria when getting married. They knew what a good man looks like, sounds like and thinks like…… so why are they producing the opposite of him? 🙄 A mum should teach her son to be the kind of man she’d admired herself. The one who’s compassionate…

3. The pillars…. the siblings!

They are very important. They advise and understand the youngster better. They should always be of help. Even the sister is very important in the process of making A MAN!

There are a lot of great men in history, whose sisters got their backs.

4. The course…… What’s the management course🤔

I discovered that a frequent problem between male teens and their family is ungranted financial requests. Those guys think it’s easy… But dad and mum think otherwise.

I borrowed this method from Islamic law of property transfer to orphans. 

At a stage, teens should be tested on management. Male teenagers should be made to take some of the basic decisions at home. It’s learning… Hand him the household’s monthly upkeep sometimes. Let him assign what goes to the kitchen, stationery, the bills… He’s going to see what it looks like 😊

Of course, he’s going to make mistakes and that’s why it is a course…. at the end, he’s going to learn!

2. The school

because of time, I will rush the rest.

Student inclusive policies should be introduced to our schools……. The young people have ideas too, appreciate the ideas by giving them opportunities to air them. We also need good and diversified counselling service in our schools. Counsellors shouldn’t be seen as disciplinary and panel members alone!

Let them help these youngsters discover their talents and put them to use.

Teachers should be mentors and shouldn’t be those promoting “you bad boys!” stereotypes .  The boys in school are as human as the girls are, they need special attention too.

3. Religious group

The religious groups should not limit the youngsters to religious rituals. These institutions should be modelled as schools! Youth-focused (for the youth) such as seminars should be introduced. Youth-centred (by the youth) such as volunteering works should be encouraged too.

These centres should teach youngsters that faith isn’t by ritual worships alone, outreaches, charity works, and other social activities count! No doubt, these will build their sense of responsibility.

4. The government and NGOs

For years, governments and NGOs have been running programmes based on gender-equality and positive discrimination in favour of the female child. Unfortunately, the victims of these policies are the striving young teenage boys. They also need support!!!

Investment in productive talents is very important. In Nigeria, kudos to the likes of cowbell who are doing some things… The government, NGOs and business enterprises should know that a country doesn’t grow by the number of comedians or musicians it has…. it grows by the number of scientists.

Unfortunately, many of our youngsters aren’t able to serve the society with their talents because the society doesn’t want their techie brains, even though it needs them…. 🙁.

Just like young girls are protected against rape and sexual harassment… robbery, fraud, drugs, cultism and all sorts of evils that’s going to obstruct the path of a responsible young man should be prevented and cleared too!

Sport and youth orientated programmes…. They’re very important! They’re very important!!

I will stop here…. Thank you!